Friday, September 6, 2013

BuzzFeed Would You Rather: Tyler Edition

So I'm the Tyler from Tyler's Classics Meet Pop Culture. In my section of #RadVag I'll give you some entertaining/thoughtful/inappropriate/ridiculous posts that you AND your mom can enjoy. Right now I'm working on a post that will make you love and hate me at the same time. UNTIL THEN, I wanted to post this Buzz Feed article my lovely non-gay, lesbian lover sent me. (Thanks, V-dawg!)

It's called The 15 Hardest "Would You Rather" Questions You Will Ever Be Asked (by Dave Stopera) and I want to answer ALL OF THEM here.

BuzzFeed counts as Pop Culture, right? And "Would You Rather" questions are CLASSIC! It makes sense to me. Plus, don't you want to get to know me?!

Yes, yes you do.

So let's get this party started!

1. Would you rather A) Be 4'5" or B) Be 7'7"?
Answer: 4'5". I want to be cuddled by giants.

2. Would you rather A) Have legs as long as your fingers or B) Have fingers as long as your legs?
Answer: Fingers as long as my legs -- shooting birds would be that much more satisfying.

3. Would you rather A) Be able to run at 100 miles per hours or B) Or fly at 10 miles per hour?
Answer: Fly. WHEN the zombie apocalypse happens I want to be able to hover over the chaos as a god.

4. Would you rather A) Sweat mayo or B) Have to poop a softball?
Answer: Sweat mayo. It would give me a good excuse never to exercise again. No exercise = no mayo sweating.

5. Would you rather A) Talk like Jar Jar Binks (You are not allowed to kill yourself.) or B) Look like Jar Jar Binks (You are not allowed to kill yourself)?
Answer: This is cruel. Can I just have sex with him instead?

6. Would you rather A) Have a dragon or B) Be a dragon?
Answer: Have a dragon. It would save on gas.

7. Would you rather A) Be sexually attracted to fruit or B) Have Cheetos dust permanently stuck on your fingers?
Answer: I'm already sexually attracted to fruit.

8. Would you rather A) Never have to worry about money or B) Live in a world with Pokemon?
Answer: Oh my goodness, I would LOVE to live in a world with Pokemon. If I was poor there I would use a Charizard to rob EVERY BANK IN THAT WORLD!

9. Would you rather A) Be the BEST racquetball player in the world or B) Find $65 on the street?
Answer: The best racquetball player. I'd live a crazy, wild life with so many dramatic downs that, when I finally got on top, I'd be offered a movie/book deal. In fact, this is my back up plan in life.

10. Would you rather A) Speak any language fluently or B) Be able to talk to animals?
Answer: Speaking to my cat is a lifelong dream.

11. Would you rather A) Not have sex with a goat, and have everyone think you had sex with a goat or B) Have sex with a goat, but no one will ever find out?
Answer: No one has found out so far.

12. Would you rather A) Only be able to whisper or B) Only be able to shout?
Answer: I'm already incapable of whispering.

13. Would you rather A) Eat a pinecone or B) Poop a pinecone?
Answer: It depends -- how many calories is a pinecone?

14. Would you rather A) Change gender every time you sneeze or B) Not be able to tell the difference between a muffin and a baby?
Answer: If I could change gender every time I sneezed, my sex life would be UNSTOPPABLE!

15. Would you rather A) Watch your parents have sexy every day of your life or B) Join in once to stop it?
Answer: Can I just pull an Oedipus Rex and burn my eyes out with candles? (See! Classics meet pop culture right there!)

Well, there's my About Me in the form of ridiculous/relevant questions! Would you have answered differently?

And again, make sure you check out the original post here for their funny ass answers to each question!

Thanks, BuzzFeed for derailing my productivity on a daily basis!

1 comment:

  1. I am so thankful that I've found someone who is also sexually attracted to fruit.